Contemplating.

I've been staring at this screen for a long time.
Starting to type sentences and then hitting delete.

I've been back and forth to this 'new post' page on my blog umpteen times over the last few weeks doing the same. Two or three sentences in and then delete.....

Why do I sometimes need to record things and then other times nothing I write feels right?

When I look back over the last few months, lots of things have happened.

• There's been a month of a family visit with days out and a little holiday up the coast.
• Sibs and I got the best upgrade at a Madonna concert in March and had a fabulous night out. She's such a great little concert buddy!
• We were super busy with a huge production of Hairspray at the Brisbane Convention and Exhibition Centre in April where 14,000 people came to watch the show over a weekend.
• I've started to organise a big holiday for the end of the year and I'm already getting excited and am counting the days.
• Sibs has had a few hospital appointments and check ups with some updates on her scoliosis. (I will update on that soon)
• I'm back singing with a choir and it's hard work but so much fun at the same time.
• We've had a great house guest from the UK staying with us and she was a breath of fresh air.
• I'm still in the decision stage about my health options....(I can be such a procrastinator)

Lots of bloggable and recordable moments...

But I'm just too tired.

Life is hurtling by and I'm just about holding on. Gosh, I sound like such a drama queen! Maybe I should just delete that last sentence too??

Each week I mentally plan things for the days ahead. I make lists and then I prioritise. I've even been known to prioritise within my priority list but it's funny how sorting out the study cupboards  never quite makes it onto any priority list...ever!
Work days are generally accounted for and on my days off I go through a lot of the boring and mundane things like grocery shopping and meal planning and cleaning and cooking and admin stuff and medical appointments. I have my regular yoga class on one of these days off and once in a blue moon I occasionally throw in a 'me' treat.

I know I'm just too tired when this kind of thing happens. -  I'm wandering around Coles aimlessly comparing the prices of brown rice packets when my phone beeps and tells me I have a message. I get as far as the frozen food section before I decide to play the message and it's to tell me (in a lovely way) that I was expected forty five minutes ago for an appointment for a facial! Now granted these appointments are rare but that's even more  reason that I would have been looking forward to it!

I also know that I'm too tired when lots of people are asking if I'm OK. Now that's lovely and caring but also a bit disconcerting!

As I'm typing away here I think I know some of the answer. I've just gone back and read my last post. The one where I thought about self care. The one where I made a bit of a promise with myself that I think I've broken....

I don't know why I might believe that I'm so indispensable! The world will not stop spinning if I don't contribute for a while.

I think it might just be time for that new kind of normal...

I'll sleep on it.